What do you need to voice out?

A month ago an uninvited thought sneaked into my mind. Without knocking or a warning, just as thoughts do.

Few years of meditation have given me the ability to notice moments like this. I observed it as it entered, entertained it a bit in the moment and my rational brain decided it was too early to act upon it. So, I swallowed it – for the time being.

In the coming days something weird began to happen. A tiny tightness in my neck appeared. I didn’t give it much attention, thinking: it shall pass, I must have strangled a muscle…

But, as the days passed by, the tightness slowly grew into a neck spasm. Obviously the thought was still there, hiding in the depths of my soul. Consciously I was not aware of it, but unconsciously it was provoking a tornado of thoughts and emotions rotating in my neck.

I tried to relax with a massage, yoga, sleep, nature, with more meditation…. I would feel a temporary relief, but nothing worked – not even dancing. The tornado grew bigger and stronger. Its devastation effects were spreading. My neck got stiffer, my back started hurting and at one point the pain expanded throughout my whole body.

I didn’t hear the whispers, now my body was screaming!

It was my masseur that slapped me with a question:
“You’ve cemented yourself woman! Do you want another cancer?”

A big sigh followed. Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I began to feel myself.

The same day I acknowledged the thought and accepted my responsibility to stand in my own truth. I was paralysed with fear! Fear of a possible response I might get once I voice the thought out.

As I shed light on the fear, I felt a release in the neck.
Once I voiced it out completely, the tornado was gone and the pain slowly started to disappear.

At the end, it did turn out the response was the one I feared. And yes, it was not easy to deal with the emotions of sadness and disappointment. But, my body felt at ease, congruently aligned. I felt an amazing calmness inside.

We need to allow ourself to feel all the emotions. They are given to us to be felt. They give colour to our life.
When we block our emotions, we become stiff as robots.

The body communicates with us, all we need to do is listen to prevent illness!

Your self-expedition question of the week is:
What are you swallowing that you need to voice out?