To thrive and lead a fulfilling life, I believe we need to nurture the most important relationship in our life – the one we have with our Self! Thus, my intention here is to share with you matters I hope you’ll find useful to guide you on your journey to create a loving relationship with yourself and others, and to build a life you desire.

The summer holidays are already behind us and it’s almost time for children to start school again. Back to reality! Time flies, right?

So, let’s begin …

In the past month my focus was on observing relationships – with and of clients in the coaching space, with colleagues in the office, with friends and family and with my Self. I was specifically interested in how much we interfere in the life/work of others, how we influence each other, the need for control and how much we are a mirror to others and others are a mirror to us.

My conclusion: we humans love to complicate our lives!

We’ve created a world bustling with drama, intrigue, misunderstanding, miscommunication, conflict, a desire for control and an occasional “Did you hear about…” conversation starter! We especially love the illusion of being in control, it gives us a feeling of power and it feeds our ego.

Many years ago, during my NLP Practitioner training, I learned an ancient and sacred art from my teacher: MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS. At the beginning when I would hear those four words I was even a bit irritated: “But, it is my business!”. It was difficult for me to let go of the illusion of control. Today I regularly say it to myself and to my clients: Mind your own business! It has become my mantra.

It’s a skill that requires finesse, restraint, and the ability to resist the magnetic urge of getting entangled into the web of others’ affairs. This skill holds the potential to enhance the quality of your life, pave the way for deeper connections, increase trust, lead to personal growth, elevate your professionalism and your overall work and life experience.

Practicing this art gives you an incredible sense of easiness and liberation. It’s the secret to maintaining your sanity and preserving your peace.

I know, it’s not so easy! I am still mastering this skill on a daily basis and honestly, it still happens to me to dip my nose where it doesn’t belong. We learn lessons our entire life. There is no cure, only evolution 🙂

So, let’s embark on a journey to explore the wisdom of minding your own business in relationships and learn how to master this invaluable skill.

Use the Power of Boundaries

At the heart of minding your own business lies the principle of respecting boundaries. It isn’t about turning a blind eye to the world or neglecting the people around you. It’s about recognizing the boundaries that separate your story from theirs. It’s understanding that each person’s life is a complex narrative, filled with experiences, decisions, and consequences that you may not fully comprehend. Boundaries are invisible fences around us that define our personal space and our limits, protect our well-being, and maintain healthy relationships (read about boundaries in my November newsletter).

By respecting and honoring boundaries, you create an environment where growth and authenticity can thrive. Minding your own business shows your respect for the autonomy of the other and your trust in their ability to perform on their responsibilities. And if they don’t, it’s their lesson to learn.

Coaching tip: Define your personal and professional boundaries and initiate open conversations to discuss them.

Hold the Urge for Help

We all have an innate urge to help.You don’t trust me? Go and test it, ask 5 people for help today and see how many say no. I bet none 🙂

But, so many times we offer our help, our advice and we even push ourselves on another – and no one really asked for that. We think our way is better, our love can move mountains and if we interfere we can make miracles for the other.

Minding your own business is about respect, empathy, and a dash of self-preservation. It’s knowing when to offer support and when to step back. It’s recognizing that not every story needs your commentary or intervention.

The truth is you can’t fix another person. Accept people as they are. People, especially grown up people, need to feel the responsibility for their own life. They need to be free to make their own choices, including bad ones.

You can’t save anybody else, you can only save yourself!

Coaching tip:Just listen and ask: “How can I support you?”

Have a Gossip Shield

Oh, how much we love the juicy aspects of other people’s drama. Adding judgement, inflating details, getting fragments of a story and filling it up with imagination, missing context… so many twists that make up distorted reality.

Awareness is key, you’re on a quest to mind your own business. Equip yourself with a mental shield, rejecting gossip arrows with a casual “Oh, really?” and glide the conversation back to a project you’re genuinely interested in.

In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

Be the one that ends the line of gossip! Whatever you heard keep it to yourself or let it go. Kill the gossip! We have a saying in Macedonia: “What entered in one ear, can leave from the other”.

Coaching tip:Whenever you catch yourself in a gossipy conversation ask yourself “What does this conversation give me? What do I get out of it?”.

Refrain From Giving Advice

Master the art of minding your own business by withholding giving advice, especially when no one asked for it. Know that when you give advice, you are telling the other how you would react in a given situation. That means that you are ready to face the consequences of your choice. However, when you give advice you might find that people will hold you responsible for your advice on their choices. That’s the tricky part.

Coaching tip: If you still decide to give advice, say: “This is what I would do…”, instead of “You should do this…”

Embrace Curiosity, Not Judgment

Minding your own business is about curiosity, not judgment. We judge what we don’t understand. Replace assumptions with questions. Seek to understand rather than to critique. Step into the shoes of the other person and you will realize: It can happen to all of us!When you approach conversations with genuine curiosity, you create an environment where both individuals feel valued and heard.

Coaching tip:Whenever you feel the urge to judge, reframe it as an opportunity to learn.

Minding your own business is a superpower. It means keeping your radar tuned to your own goals and aspirations. It’s the ability to focus on your own path, steering clear of the distractions that other people’s dramas can bring.

To continue, a few announcements:

• NLP Practitioner Module III, live in Vienna, 7-9 October: for all those that have passed Module I: Communication Excellence.This component focuses on how words and specific language patterns impact our everyday conversations and our life in general. After this module you would have learned how to use specific questioning to get to the roots of vague communication, break down large concepts into smaller chunks for motivation, change the meaning or the context to accomplish agreements and improve your negotiation skills, use hypnotic style language for persuasion.
• NLP Practitioner Module I: Communication Excellence, live in Skopje, in Macedonian language, 27-29 October – special early bird offer, get it now!
• “Getting Comfortable in Public Speaking Situations”, online, 13 September @ 18 hrs: special edition for all the early bird mentors and mentees of PWN ViennaMentoring Program. There is a way for you to join, too. Get in touch!
• New batch of the 2024 Vienna NLP Practitioneris forming! We are beginning in January. Super early bird valid until the end of September! Join us.

To finish,

My message for the month of September is:

Mind your own business! 🙂

Inspiration and Information Sources:

I’m watching, reading and listening to:

• Ancient Celtic Women – Watch the full documentary | ARTE in English, a documentary
• Creating Intelligent Teams, a book by Dr Anne Rod and Marita Fridjjon
• The power of options, HBR article by David Noble and Carol Kauffman
• Passengers– by ARTE TV, the best contemporary artists perform live sessions in unique and unusual venues.