With this newsletter I am excited to share with you matters I care about, hoping that it will inspire you to reflect, act and develop greater confidence and self-awareness in your roles. Because the most important relationship in our life is the one we have with our Self!
Well-come October…
Trees have began to change their colours and slowly lose their leaves. If you’ve been for a walk in the park lately, you’ve heard and felt the cracking of the dry leaves under your feet. Autumn… they say it is the time of the year when nature shows us how beautiful it is to let go.
September was a busy month for many of us. I barely noticed it pass by. On its last day, as I was making my farewell with the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), someone said to me: “Time flies“. Indeed, it feels sometimes like that. Time is a currency in our life. We can not bring it back, nor we can push it forward. We can only make the most out of the moment that is now, before it is gone.
Now…
For me the theme of the month of October is hashtagchange. As Buddha said it: “Nothing is forever, except change.” Change is ever-present in our life. One would assume we should be ready to embrace it, right? But the truth is, personal or organisational, small or big, change is scary and we tend to avoid it.This is why so many people end up staying in toxic relationships or stuck at unfulfilling jobs, until they are forced to change.
So, why do we fear change so much?
Virginia Satir, one of the best family therapists in the world, believed that the strongest instinct in human beings is to make things familiar – and she believed this was a neurological function. Today neuroscience proves it – people are more comfortable with the familiar than anything else.
First, the unknown makes us uncertain and our brains don’t like uncertainty. It is one of the biggest factors that lead to stress and anxiety. Even the smallest hint of uncertainty activates the limbic system in the brain, fires up our amygdala and our primal fight, flight or freeze responses. Our brains are hardwired for familiarity and consistency. We tend to prefer a predictable negative outcome over an uncertain one and in doing so we get stuck in routines, habits, and we repeat patterns that don’t bring us much value or even limit us and harm us.
Also, we like to be in control (or at least think so) – loss of control is another big stressor for us. In order to protect us our brain creates stories to cope with the uncertainty, and we get a feeling of control because we think we know the outcome. But, our brain is a prediction device, and not a particularly accurate one. Our predictions are based mostly on our previous experience, memories and knowledge, which is – limited! Think for a moment, how many times have you worried about something, created a million scenarios and stories in your head, just to find out that you couldn’t have predicted the outcome even in your wildest imagination? There is always an infinite number of possible outcomes. Everything is possible.
Next, our brain doesn’t do well with loss. It’s not easy for us to accept impermanence. Relationships end, jobs end, seasons end, lives end. This is the cycle of life. But, because the unfamiliar is scary, we end up dwelling in the past instead of accepting the change and opening our arms to the new. As Richard Bandler says:
“You can’t go towards the future looking in the rearview mirror.”
Finally our fear of failure feeds our fear of change. Again our brain fills in the gaps of the unknown with the possible scenarios that it knows – a wild guess. Erin Hanson has a point here:
“What if I fall?
But, my darling, what if you fly?”
“We know, that 70 percent of change programs fail to achieve their goals, largely due to employee resistance and lack of management support. We also know that when people are truly invested in change it is 30 percent more likely to stick.” – according to McKinsey. Organisations are made of people, people that have brains resistant to change.
Now, as much as we don’t like uncertainty, we are well equipped to deal with change. We are highly adaptable and constantly evolving species. Our mind is very flexible and it can learn to thrive in any situation, even in times of change.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself when dealing with change:
- On a scale from 1-10, how necessary and how urgent is it for me/us to make this change?
- What will I/we gain and what will I/we lose by making this change?
- What other feelings are there when I/we think of the change?
- What is a past experience when I/we successfully dealt with change? How did I/we do it?
- What are the resources I/we have available for the change and how am I going to utilize them?
- What information do I/we need to make this change easy?
- Who are my/our supporters for the change? Do I/we need to involve a third party (coach, consultant, mentor)?
- What skills can I/we learn that will help me/us thrive in the process of change?
Overcoming the fear of change requires personal empowerment and knowledge – on the individual and collective level.
Next, an announcement…
In October I will be pausing the Self Expedition Café because my energy is focused on new and exciting projects that I will soon announce to you.
The first module of the next Neurolinguistics Practitioner is happening on the weekend of 7th October – I am excited to meet the people and begin our transformational journey. NLP is a methodology that equips people with tools to deal with change effectively and to accomplish lasting results. A new group begins in December, are you ready to learn how to thrive in times of change?
To close…
My message for the month of October is:
Change before you are forced to change.
Conversation starters:
(Inspiration and Information Sources)
I’m reading:
- Guardians of Being a lovely small book illustrated by Patrick McDonnel, showcasing words of Eckhart Tolle
- 50 management ideas you really need to know by Edward Russell-Walling
- Cultivating Everyday Courage an HBR article by James R. Detert