The nights are still cold, but the days get warmer and warmer as May comes to an end.
Let’s begin…
Some years ago I was learning a new coaching methodology called “Points of You” that combines words with pictures. It is like a game that reveals our nuances… challenges our beliefs, sheds layers of us – so we can come closer to our core. The experience is not always pleasant, but I see it as liberating. During the training, in one of the exercises I randomly chose a card, and it was the card below:
As soon as my eyes landed on it, my breath stopped for a moment and I froze. My heart flooded with fear as I read the word “Death” on it. My primitive brain immediately connected the dots based on the recent traumatic near death experience and fear overtook my rationally thinking brain. I was paralysed! And… all of this was caused by just a word! A word that I read on a piece of thick paper with a photo of two deflated balloons! Wtf, right?
Well, this is the effect words have on us!
There’s an old saying — “A kind word can open even iron gates.” It sounds poetic, but it’s also profoundly psychological.
For a sake of experiment here, as you read now the word >> Love<<, explore for a moment for yourself… What sensations in your body does it bring? What pictures it attracts? Any sounds maybe? What comes to mind?
Words shape our reality! They represent something for us. Through words we create meaning. Take encouraging words for example – they don’t just sound nice. They change how the brain fires, how we feel, and even what we believe is possible.
As a coach and trainer, I’ve experienced it time and again: the right word, spoken with presence, can shift a persons’ internal state from self-doubt to self-belief in seconds. And, science agrees!
Before we continue, a few announcements:
- The second Self-Expedition webinarin Macedonian will take place on 12 June 2025. Join us for a journey inward to meet some of the parts that make you. It’s a creative process designed to engage both brain hemispheres, as a way to balance. The one in English is coming soon, stay tuned 🙂
- If you want to train your brain how to use language for creating resourceful states, a reminder to reach out and get your early bird for the NLP journey starting in October 2025, one in one in Vienna and one in Skopje. I work in small groups, so each individual gets the needed attention. Join the NLP Practitioner program by adding your name on the waitlist, and I will reach out to you.
Shall we move on, now?
Language Builds or Breaks Neural Pathways
Neuroscience tells us that what we hear regularly shapes the neural architecture of our brains. When we’re given praise, recognition, or even gentle encouragement, it stimulates the reward centers of the brain releasing dopamine and serotonin, the “feel good” chemicals that increase motivation and trust.
A simple phrase like “I see how much effort you’ve put into this” can open up someone who was previously shut down or defensive. Why? Because their nervous system shifts from a threat state (fight, flight or freeze) into a state of connection and openness. The same happens when we are in control of our internal language, the words we use when we communicate in our heads with our Self.
In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), we explore how language patterns shape our internal experience. The words we choose create maps in the minds of others, and also in our own minds! When we use positive, empowering language, we help ourselves and others access internal resources such as confidence, clarity, curiosity, creativity…
For example:
- Instead of saying, “Why didn’t you do this right?”, try: “Well done! What support would help you (me) do this even better next time?”
- Instead of: “That was wrong.” try: “Let’s explore what could be improved.”
These subtle shifts in phrasing shift the perspective and open up dialogue rather than shutting it down. NLP teaches us to listen not only to what’s said, but how it’s said – the tone, pace, and the nonverbal cues.
Praise Isn’t Flattery – It’s Fuel
Positive psychology researcher Barbara Fredrickson found that positive emotions (like feeling appreciated) broaden our attention and thinking, making us more resilient and creative. In contrast, criticism or coldness narrows our cognitive focus — we go into survival mode.
But not all praise lands good, right? The key is to offer specific, sincere feedback – not vague compliments. An example would be instead of saying, “You’re amazing!” Try: “The way you led that meeting showed real clarity and strength. It inspired me.”
We often underestimate how much our words influence us and others. But the truth is, your language might be the turning point in someone’s self-worth, and equally important your own worth! A manager or an internal voice that says “I trust your judgment” can spark confidence that lasts for years. A teacher who says “I believe in you” can alter the trajectory of a student’s life.
In psychological terms, this is about mirroring and anchoring – concepts used in both NLP and coaching. When we reflect back someone’s strengths, we help them anchor that belief internally. Every human being is carrying something unseen. Sometimes, the smallest shift in tone – a kind word, a thoughtful pause – can unlock something they’ve been protecting behind “iron gates.”
So the next time you speak to a colleague, friend, or your Self – pause. Ask yourself:
“What strength can I name here?”
“What possibility can I highlight with my words?”
Because when we speak to our own, and each other’s potential with kindness, we don’t just open gates – we build bridges.
To end,
My message for the month of May is
Listen.
🔗 If this resonated with you, feel free to share it – or comment with a moment when someone’s kind words made a difference in your life.
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